Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
