I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
