I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
