idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
