I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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