i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Congratulations! We have a period
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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