Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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