Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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