FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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