Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
