my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
