paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Acid is not a monday night drug
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
