If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
