My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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