If i come over, it means nothing
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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