He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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