he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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