I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
