Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
