he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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