capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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