The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
