I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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