My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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