i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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