Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
