There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
