i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
