I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
