I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
