I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
