Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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