So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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