dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
