I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
