I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
