stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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