After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
