I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
