how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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