Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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