there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
