Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
