she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
