Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
