Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
