I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
