Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
