I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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