seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
