yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dignity is for republicans.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
