I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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