After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
this hospital has no fireball
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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