He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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