if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
