she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
