Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
