textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize