At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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