No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
