eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
