Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
