she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This is classic penis vs brain.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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