Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
