Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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