yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
