i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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