I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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