Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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