my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
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Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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