I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
