i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
