Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
