I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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