I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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