Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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