Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
handjob tips. give me some.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
