I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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