We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
