its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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