did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
