i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
